"Help my teenager self-destruct!" It was the cry of the telephone line of an exasperated father.
This is a common cry for help that I receive in my coaching business. I specialize in training parents to find and develop their true potential as parents and help their teenagers build a life of trust, courage and compassion. I train teenagers to discover their passion and potential in life.
The parents' perception of their teenage son's problems covers the whole spectrum from: "Help, my teenage son is driving me crazy"; "How do I make them more responsible?"; "Why don't they talk to me anymore?"; "How can I say 'no' without feeling guilty?"; "How do I discipline my teenager without yelling at him?" in desperate screams like: "My teenager is self-destructing!" My response to the parents was: "Instead of forcing the change to your child, let's apply some training on his problems with his teenage son. Let's learn some training skills to become the father as a coach."
The father as a trainer model
The Parents as Trainers model helps us as adults to examine our own core beliefs, allowing us to respect the growing beliefs of our "emerging adults." Instead of teaching how to manage and control adolescents, being the father as a coach helps us appreciate the unique perspective of our adolescents and express respect, understanding and support for who they are at the moment. A coach mentoring does not dictate how to grow. A parent coach will guide young people towards their own solutions, inherent gifts, and show them the way to a meaningful and determined life.
A case study
When, continuing with the case history, both parents undertook a joint ten-session training program with me, we began with them determining the desired results for the 3-month period. His main concern was that his 15-year-old teenager, who had been expelled from two schools and now smoked marijuana almost daily, was on a path of self-destruction. After some explanation and application of the theory of choice, they realized that, no matter how hard they tried, they could not control their teenage son. His controlling behavior had created fronts and moved the child further. Every week we work so that parents understand who they are and how they show themselves in the world, particularly in the eyes of their teenage son. This newly found knowledge helped them see their teenager's point of view. We work with a model "The seven ways to train your teenage son" developed by the Academy for the training of family trainers.
With the application of this model and being trained around their new behaviors, parents were able to respect their child for their qualities, really listen to their point of view, understand that it was not just their behavior, appreciate their differences and give up. rescue him Instead, they learned to show support and began to help him develop his level of responsibility, striving for his independence.
The results
One of their greatest advances came after only three weeks, when they began using their new listening technique. The teenager had refused to come to the table and was not open to any conversation. When he spoke, he argued. That night: with new improved listening skills, the parents had a one-hour conversation, which the mother had said, had not happened in a couple of years! During that conversation, parents spent more time listening than talking, did not give advice or try to fix or solve anything that happened to the teenager. In that conversation, the boy developed the idea that he could abandon some of his bad habits and seek to end the year 10 in TAFE. The parents offered to support him. The result later: completed year 10.
With the continuous training and support for these parents who use "The seven ways to train their teenage son", their relationship with their teenage son was transformed over time. His son is now a chef's apprentice and is no longer on the path of self-destruction.
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